How It Could Be
by theoldandthenew
Summary: This story takes place after The Amber Spyglass, five years into the future. Lyra is in her world; Will lives in his with Mary and his mother. But Dust has something in store for them; their way to build the Republic of Heaven.
1. Chapter 1 Lyra

Sadly, I do NOT own anything even closely related to HDM, but P. Pullman rocks for creating it.

It had been five years since Lyra had watched Will seal the window, separating them forever. Five years since she had felt his hands on hers; five years since her lips had brushed against his; five years since she had seen his loving eyes. For the past four of those five years, she had returned to the Botanic Garden on Midsummer's Day to sit on the stone bench and cry her heart out. She had promised Will, and herself, that being cheerful started on that fateful day. And for the most part, she _was_ cheerful. She had left Jordan College –it was no longer her home after all she had been through outside its protecting walls –to go to St. Sophia's. It was a long time before she was able to tell her story without bursting into tears or becoming almost catatonic. And she had never, ever told anyone about her love for Will, her precious Will. She still missed with every fiber of her being. Her heart still ached for him every moment of every day. But she managed to trudge on through school and through each day, through life.

She had managed to become mildly happy at St. Sophia's. She had a few friends, though she doubted that she would ever find someone who truly understood what she had been through. No one but… No, it was better to not think of him. They would never be together in this life, and they both knew it. So to keep her mind off of him, she threw herself mercilessly into her studies. From the moment she awoke to the moment she laid her head on her pillow to sleep she was constantly keeping herself busy. If she wasn't attending regular classes or studying, she was with Dame Hannah learning the art of the Alethiometer; and if she wasn't there, she was taking piano lessons with Madame Cynster.

On weekends, when she was unable to do any of these things, she and Pan were climbing secretly along the roofs of the school, searching down in the cellars, or sneaking out to roam the streets. At least, that is what they used to do. Now that they had grown up a little, they stayed indoors a little more and, while they still went onto the roof, it was only outside their window and they did not clamber around any more. They did, however, still sneak out at night. It was thier escape from the often suffocating school. But they never remained still; the streets weren't exactly safe at night and if ever she had a spare moment her thoughts would undoubtedly return to her lost love.

Most of all, she never, ever asked the Alethiometer about him. Even if she didn't know that it was forbidden, she wouldn't have had the courage to see what the Dust had to say on the matter. Besides, she still couldn't read it without difficulty. The heavy golden instrument felt familiar in her hands once again, as she held it there absentmindedly more than she realized, though it was still difficult to hold the questions in her mind. And while her eyes darted swiftly after the long needle, never missing which symbols it stopped at, she had to consult the Book of Symbols to understand what their meanings were. But Dame Hannah was patient and kind, her room was cozy enough, and the food was good. So this was how Lyra got on.


	2. Chapter 2 Will

For five years, Will and his mother had lived with Mary Malone in her flat. Upon returning to their world, Will and Mary had found things very different from when they left. Luckily, Mrs. Parry was still in the piano teacher's care, and nobody knew where she had been while he was away. It had been so long since Will had last seen her, and immediately relief washed over him: she was safe. But the feeling didn't last very long. He could tell she was in one of her frights, and the initial relief he had felt was immediately replaced with anguish, with pain that only piled on top of the pain he already felt for Lyra, his lost love, making the weight of it almost too much to bear. But he had promised himself that he would take care of his mother, always.

Besides, what else did he have to live for with Lyra, his heart and soul, a thousand worlds away? So Will went to school while Mary looked after his mother –her periods of coherence had gotten longer, but her times of being frightened had worsened as well. He did well enough at school, though he had never really been that good at it, and now it was even harder to focus when all the memories of his time with Lyra kept bouncing around inside his head. But nobody ever seemed to bother the strange, wounded boy. He was a curiosity among the students, but a thing to be avoided.

His marred left hand seemed to act as a repellant, but this suited Will just fine. He had never really had friends before, and he didn't suppose he needed them now. Besides, he still had to look after his mother and no one would understand that or what he'd been through. No one except… No, it was best not to think of her. Anyway, in his world, they locked you away for telling such blasphemous tales as what he had lived through. For this reason, he and Mary told no one of their adventures, which made it terribly difficult to figure out how they were supposed to build the Republic of Heaven. But every year, just as he had promised, Will walked to the Botanic Garden to sit on the little stone bench and be as close as he ever would be to his Lyra.


	3. Chapter 3 Her Garden

It was Midsummer's Day once again, and nothing was going to keep Lyra from her precious time with Will. Pan, too, was anxious to get to the garden regardless of the downpour. He plucked and pulled at Lyra's hem as she struggled to put her boots on.

"Come on! We're going to be late."

"Pan, I know. Just give me a second. I think I need new boots, these are getting small."

She felt so silly every year when Midsummer's Day rolled around once more. As she got dressed –putting on the best of what she had –her heart raced as if she just might actually see him, hear him again. And no matter how much she told herself that she never would, no matter how many times Pantalaimon softly reminded her that it would never happen, she couldn't help how many butterflies fluttered anxiously in her stomach. Each year, just as the one before it, her nerves slowly turned to anguish, fury, anxiety, sorrow, longing as she sat on the stone bench in the middle of the deepest garden. Today was no different. She and Pan waded through the soggy streets, completely sodden by the time they reached the Botanic Garden. And, as was the case the previous four years, Lyra's heart sank like lead the moment she saw the empty bench. It was dark grey from the rain but entirely empty. She slowly made her way to her thrown of misery and sank onto it. The days it was raining were the days she liked best: no one could see her tears.

"I love you Will, always," she sobbed. It was always the first thing she said, always through a mask of pain and tears. "I miss you. This is too cruel, us having to be apart. I wake up every morning wishing I was in your arms; and I know we promised not to compare, but I can't help it. No one can ever understand what we've been through besides you. Oh, I wish I could just hear you, ask you what to do. How are we supposed to build the Republic of Heaven? Without being able to read the Alethiometer or ask you or Iorek, we don't know what to do. Not even Pan, who always knows everything. Oh, Will!" Her voice had given out, taken over by sobs. Her small frame shook with the pure anguish she felt.

An hour later, Pan wiped the final tears from his human's eyes with his silken tail. Lyra hiccupped with one last sob and shakily stood. She hugged Pan tight to her breast and walked back to St. Sophia's, stopping on the way to buy a snack. Pan padded softly at her heels as they walked along and Lyra ate her pretzel. She walked through the front gate of the school, across the dimly lit courtyard and into the dorms. Two flights of stairs later, Lyra was laying heavily on her bed. She had never dreamed that crying would take so much energy, but she never felt like doing anything remotely productive on Midsummer's Day. It was the only day she ever cried.

In fact, it was the only day she let herself openly think of Will. It hurt too much and took too much out of her to allow herself to think of him more often. So, for the other three hundred and fifty-five days of the year she worked harder than ever before to drive him from her mind. She had no idea how she was to build the Republic of Heaven, but she was determined to fill her life with whatever she could because she wanted to make Will proud when he heard what she had accomplished. Even if she didn't see him until she returned to the Land of the Dead again, she wanted to have a lifetime of wonderful, meaningful things to tell him and Gracious Wings.


	4. Chapter 4 His Garden

The streets were very busy as Will made his way to the Botanic Garden. It was extremely hot outside, but nothing would stop him from getting to their meeting place. So he and Kirjava trudged from Mary's apartment to the garden and were dripping by the time they reached the stone bench. Will sank gladly onto the cool stone, thankful that it was so well shaded by the exotic trees. He took in a deep breath and held it. When he exhaled, everything came crashing down. "I love you, Lyra," he said quietly, as the first of many tears streaked down his face. It was always the first, and usually the only thing he said. He knew that if Lyra were somehow able to hear him, he wouldn't have to say it out loud. So he sat quietly on the bench, letting his heartache consume him for one hour, one day each year.

When that hour was up, he stood slowly and he and Kirjava returned to Mary's flat where his mother worriedly asked what was the matter and Mary simply gave him a consoling look. His mother didn't know where he had been while he was away. It was better like this. There was no point in confusing or frightening her, as he was sure some parts of the story would do. They still frightened him. So, he told his mother that he was fine and went up to his room, where he fell onto his bed. This was the only day he allowed himself to wallow in his misery. Sure, he thought of Lyra all the time. But this was the only day he really _thought_ of her. This was the only day he let himself fall victim to all his vivid memories of her pretty face, her sweet smell, her soft touch. And it nearly drove him mad.


	5. Chapter 5 A New Adventure

She was running a brush through her hair as she returned to her room from the bathroom. Pantalaimon was already lying on her bed, his eyes drooping sleepily as he watched her cross the room. She sat at her little dressing table in the corner and just stared at herself in the mirror. She had turned out to be a lovely young lady: lustrous, flowing blonde curls framed her slightly angular face, which had only a few barely visible scars from her adventures those five years ago. She was tall and slender with a slight frame; she had lost her tomboy nature at St. Sophia's for the most part, though she was still known to curse on occasion.

But she had to force herself to get up before she thought too much about how she used to be, for that led to thoughts of Will. As she turned to get up from the vanity, something caught her eye. There was a very strange patch of air barely visible behind her dresser. It was such a small area that she had almost missed it. In fact, the only reason she even looked twice was that her eyes had been trained those few, short weeks she had been with Will to see any and all windows between the worlds. But surely this was just a figment of her imagination. Surely, this was not a window between the worlds; the witches and the angel had closed all the windows by now, for sure. And Will had broken the knife, she was told.

The few weeks following her return had been chaotic. Her world was in turmoil: the missing children all over England, the bears leaving Svalbard, the Gyptians all gathering in the Fens, the rising water and seemingly endless fog had everyone frightened and confused. The Church was in an uproar. It had only been a few days before everyone knew about the epic battle that had taken place in the deserted world, instigated by none other than Lord Asriel himself. When Lyra heard what everyone was saying about the war, she asked to speak to Serafina Pekkala. Serafina came to Jordan College with Xaphania, the angel she had met on the beach that fateful night five years ago. Xaphania told her that they were all working to close the windows, that Will had broken the knife, that her mother and father had jumped into the abyss while fighting the Regent, taking him down with them. This news was startling to Lyra. During her adventures, Lyra had learned enough about the nature of her parents to think this self-sacrifice out of place. But then again, she hadn't really known them that well. Perhaps they really had loved her, and had done everything within their power to help her succeed, to help her live.

After Xaphania had warned Lyra once more to not waste her life searching, she left Serafina and Lyra to themselves. Serafina consoled the aching, confused girl and gave her a flower. She would use the flower at anytime to call to Serafina, and she would come. They talked about Lyra going to St. Sophia's and studying under Dame Hannah. They talked like old friends and sisters until Lyra was so exhausted she could barely talk anymore. So, Serafina had kissed the girl and left her with Jordan College, knowing she would be in good hands until her move to St. Sophia's.

But that had been so long ago. She approached the area warily, but the dresser was blocking it from full view. She slid the heavy piece of furniture out of the way, only to be completely dazed. For there in front of her hung a window into another world. Pan was instantly by her side, looking up at the window with awe.

"P-pan," she stuttered, "it can't be."

She looked down at her dæmon, her shock mirrored on his little face.

"Get your rucksack, Lyra. We're going into another world." He knew at once exactly which world they were about to enter, and his heart leapt with joy.

Ten minutes later, they were standing at the top of a grassy hill, moonlight splashing down to bathe them in its milky light. The moment they stepped through, Lyra knew they were in Will's world. The streets were full of cars speeding by and St. Sophia's was nowhere in sight. Lyra gave a cry of joy, scooped up Pan and held him tight to her breast before setting off down the hill. She had no idea how this was happening or why, but she did not care. She was going to see Will again, and damn whatever consequences they were met with. This was a new adventure, and Lyra would not let it go on without her.

It wasn't until they reached the bottom of the hill and climbed over the small fence separating it from the sidewalk that Lyra realized that she had no idea as to where Will was. She was sure he would be with Mary, but where did Mary live? She took a deep breath and headed towards the city, hoping to find some help.

Pan, who was jittery and bouncing all over the place, could sense his dear Kirjava near. If only he could find her. Oh, how he had missed her. He had still never told Lyra what he and Kirjava had done while she and Will were in the Land of the Dead, but she never bothered him about it, either. She knew he would tell her when the time was right.

After about ten minutes, they had managed to stumble across a telephone booth. Perplexed but hopeful, they entered the red glass structure and investigated. Oh, she knew so little about this world! But she was determined. She picked the phone up off its base and put it to her ear. Confused by the dial tone, she returned it to its resting spot. Seeing pan looking at a yellow book that sat under the phone she picked it up for examination. After flipping through pages for a few minutes, they had figured out what this strange book was. Imagine, an entire book dedicated to telling you where people live! Eventually, they found the M section and found Malone, Mary. 2211 Richmond Road, Oxford. There was a Richmond in her Oxford, too! With renewed hope, Lyra set off. They were still a way outside of Oxford, and it would probably be the next day before they reached Richmond Road, but she didn't care. She was going to see Will again, soon.


	6. Chapter 6 Finding Mary, Alone

They walked until their legs were tired and their feet hurt. They had grown quite unaccustomed to such exercise at St. Sophia's. But they managed to find a bench to sleep on at something called a Bus Station. Lyra remembered riding on one of the large metal vehicles with Will when they went to see one of those movies at the cinema. That had been so long ago, she was surprised she remembered it so distinctly. Than again, she remembered almost every tiny detail about her time with Will.

The next morning, she awoke stiff and damp, but ready to be moving again. Shipley Street was only a few dozen blocks away; they would be there by ten in the morning, judging by one of the street clocks. She and Pan set off once again, more excited than ever. And sure enough, at ten after ten they stood outside of number 2211 Shipley Street, Oxford. All of a sudden, Lyra was very nervous. What if he didn't live here with Mary after all? What if he had done as they had promised and not compared every girl he met with her, and had found someone else? What if he didn't want to see her after so long? Pan rubbed his head on her calf, having felt her anxiety. She smiled nervously at him, nodded, and walked up to the door. She knocked three times and stood waiting.

Just a few seconds later the door was opened and Mary Malone stood in front of her.

"What can I do… for… Lyra?" she was obviously confused and probably thought she was seeing things, from what Lyra could tell.

"I-it's me, Mary." She took a step closer to the door and before she knew it, she was enveloped in a bone-crushing hug.

"It can't be you, it simply can't be!" Mary said once she had released her, holding her at arms length and looking her over. "How ever did you get here? I thought… They said that… Oh, forgive me, do come in!" She turned and led Lyra into her flat, closing the door behind them. "Oh, Lyra!" And the girl was in another hug.

"We came through a window, it was just there in my bedroom, though I have no idea how it got there. I know it hasn't always been there, but I saw it hanging there, and I just had to come through. Mary… I—"

"I know, girl. You had to see him again." It wasn't a question.

"I do. Oh Mary, is he here? Does he live with you?" She was looking all around her as she asked, searching for some sign of his presence in Mary's home.

"Calm down. He does live here, but he's not here right now. He's taking his mother down to the clinic for the weekend. We really don't have any other choice when she gets into one of her frights, poor thing. But Will's been looking after her ever since we got back. He's got a heart of gold, that one…" She had walked into the kitchen to make them tea; Lyra followed.

They sat at the dining room table talking about what had been going on over the past five years. Mary told Lyra about how Will and Mrs. Parry had come to live with her and what had happened with her research, though she gave very little detail about Will himself. Lyra told Mary about how she had gone to St. Sophia's and was working harder than ever to learn the Alethiometer again and figure out how to build the Republic of Heaven. And they completely lost track of time. Before long, they heard the front door open and someone walk in.


	7. Chapter 7 The Day That Would Never Come

"Mary, I'm back."

Lyra's heard stopped beating in that moment. Her cream colored face drained of all color. She knew that voice. It was _his_ voice. It sounded older and deeper and more tired now, but it was his voice. Mary, sensing Lyra's panic, stood and went into the living room.

"Will, um…"

But Will was already on his way to the kitchen, parched after his long walk in the sun. Lyra stood just before he turned the corner, and he stopped dead in his tracks. It wasn't… it couldn't be. Their eyes met and the air was electric with current.

"Will…"

At the exact same moment, Lyra, Pan, Will, and Kirjava all stepped towards each other, and Lyra fell into Will's arms. Kirjava leapt at Pan, and they went tumbling across the tile floor. Will wrapped his arms as tight as he could around her without crushing her small frame, almost unwilling to believe what was happening. She repeated his name over and over again as she sobbed into his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. They fell to their knees, becoming a sobbing, shaking, intertwined jumble on Mary Malone's kitchen floor.

Mary, after watching them for a moment, felt intrusive so went to sit in the living room. They needed space and time to be together. This was the reunion they never thought they'd get. And Mary knew it would be a long time before they let go of one another again.

Ten minutes, two hours, three days later, they had no idea how much time had actually elapsed before they were able to pull back and look at one another properly. And they were astounded by what they saw.

She still had the same piercing blue eyes and lustrous blonde hair, only now her hair was a little longer –down just past her shoulders –and had a much more pronounced curl to it. Her face had lost most of its roundness, leaving a delicately angular outline to her soft features. She smiled weakly up at him, creating a wonderful curve to her plump little lips and revealing her white teeth. She was even more beautiful than Will could have ever dreamed. At that same moment, Lyra was thinking the exact same.

His beautifully dark hair was longer than she remembered, down just past his ears, but it suited his shining green eyes and square jaw. His shoulders were broader than they were in his youth, and she could feel his muscled figure beneath his shirt. Will was everything she had ever wanted and so much more. This was where she belonged, forever and ever.

"Lyra," he said, bringing his hand up to cup her tear stained face. "I can't believe you're here. How…?"

"I came through a window. I was getting ready for bed last night, and I spotted something strange behind my dresser. At first I thought I must be losing my mind, but it really truly was a window. Only, it hasn't always been there. I would have noticed if it had been. So me and Pan came through and found Mary and just hoped you'd be here too. I missed you, Will. I missed you so much, every day since we've been apart."

More tears were spilling down her cheeks now, and Will wiped them away gently. What she had said didn't make sense, but he didn't care. All that mattered was that she was there, in his arms once more.

"Oh, Lyra, I've missed you, too. There's not one minute of any day I haven't thought of you."

With that, he leaned forward and kissed her. It was so reminiscent of their first kiss in the world of the Mulefa, clumsy and hurried, that his heart nearly burst. Oh! How they had missed this. In that moment, neither Will nor Lyra knew how they had gone five long years without this wonderful feeling, without each other.

"I love you," he whispered after they pulled away.

"Will, I love you. And I think Mary is waiting for us. Oh, I have so much to tell you!"

They stood, and Lyra realized how much taller Will was than her. He had grown into a very handsome young man. At the same time, Will was taking in the beautiful young lady Lyra had become. She was a whole head shorter than him, and she had developed wonderful curves that were nonexistent at twelve.

They held hands as they walked from the kitchen to find Mary sitting on the couch watching TV and talking to her dæmon. Upon Will and Lyra's arrival, the bird cocked its head in their direction, causing Mary to look as well. It was just like the time she saw them approaching her across the field in the world of the Mulefa: they were holding hands and walking very close together. They were smiling from ear to ear. They were in love.

The pair sat next to Mary on the couch, touching at as many points as possible. Lyra's knuckles were white with the effort of holding Will's hand so firmly in hers. She was never letting go, that much was clear.

"Well, we've got a lot to talk about. I'm sure the two of you are hungry, so let's go get something to eat and we'll have a nice chat."


	8. Chapter 8 Mary

At eight that night, Mary declared she was going to shower and go to bed. She handed Lyra one of her nightgowns, shot the two teenagers one last worried look, and went into her bedroom. They hadn't talked about the sleeping arrangements, there was no need to. It was quite clear to Mary that there would be no separating the two now that they had found each other again. And while she had reservations about allowing them to sleep together in her house, she had been to China. There is no stopping love. Plus, she suspected they would wear themselves out with talk before anything escalated to that point.

As Mary undressed and started the shower water, she couldn't help but think about the changes she saw in Will. For the past five years he had been an introvert. He never went out with friends or spoke with anyone on the phone. He could come home and go straight to his room and only spoke to Mary and his mother sporadically at dinner, never saying much. He would only go out to school or the grocery store or to take his mother to the clinic. That is, except for the one day a year he made the trip to the Botanic Garden. On this day, Will was an entirely different person. He would wake up and come down to breakfast wearing his best clothes with a small smile on his face. When 11:30 rolled around, he would dash out the door, calling a quick "be back soon" to Mary as the door closed behind him. But two hours later, he would return with a red face and anguish in his glossy eyes. It was heartbreaking, and there was nothing Mary could do. So, as the water rinsed the soap from her body, she let herself imagine what would happen next.


	9. Chapter 9 Feeling You

Will led Lyra up to his room, both suddenly becoming a little shy. They had never been together in such a private area; all the time they had spent together was in other worlds, never so close to home. Regardless, they were determined to waste no time. After all, neither of them knew how long they had together. Pan and Kirjava cuddled together at the foot of the bed, while Will and Lyra sat in each other's arms at the head.

Will couldn't believe how fragile she felt in his arms. During their adventures together, Lyra had always been so tough. She'd made it through every trial they had faced with hope and determination. Even during their days in the land of the Mulefa, when Will had realized his love for Lyra, she had still been strong and independent in his eyes. Now, her slender figure felt so delicate to him. The only other time in his memory of her feeling this way was that night on the beach. The night they found out they couldn't be together. That night, she had felt fragile. Remembering that night, Will couldn't help but think how strange, how wonderfully strange it was to be holding her again. She smelled of vanilla and honey, and her dress was cottony soft.

Her head was resting on his shoulder, her curly hair splayed across his chest. His chin rested atop her head, and his arms held her to him tightly. This was the one thing Lyra had never dreamed she'd get. Sure, she had had plenty of dreams about Will and her being together, living peacefully in both worlds. But she had always known that these were only dreams and that they would never be reality. Sitting in his arms, in his room, in his world, though, she knew that this was no dream. He smelled like a rainstorm, and she loved it.

They had been sitting in comfortable silence for a while now, and she was beginning to miss the sound of his voice.

"Will?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me about your life. I told you and Mary everything at lunch, and she told me about her research and all, but I want to know about you," she said, sitting up to look at him properly.

"Well… what do you want to know?"

He didn't know how to describe his life to her without telling her how miserable he had been, without telling her that he hadn't been so productive as she had, so driven. He was ashamed that she had been trying so hard to fill her life with meaningful things to tell him when they finally met again while he had simply dealing with his mundane, everyday life. He didn't want her to be disappointed in him.

"Everything. How is school? How is you mother? What do yo do with your friends… everything," she said, looking at him with such love in her eyes it made his heart melt.

He took a deep breath before starting.

"Um… school is ok. I graduated this year. Mum is fine; she goes to the clinic most weekends. That's… about it," he finished lamely.

"That's it?"

"I mean… yeah."

She scooted away from him a bit and crossed her arms across her chest. It reminded him so much of the Lyra he knew all those years ago.

"You aren't telling me the whole truth. I can tell. What's wrong? Why don't you want to tell me?"

He saw hurt in her eyes and knew right away that he had just done exactly what he didn't want to do. Why was life so confusing?

"Lyra, I'm sorry. It's just that being here… having to wake up every day without you and go back to the way things were, being alone has been really hard for me. You've done all this wonderful stuff: tried really hard at school and made friends and the alethiometer and piano even. I'll admit, that one took me by surprise. But I haven't done anything. I just went to school because I had to. I don't have any friends. I haven't been able to take care of my mother properly; she wouldn't be at the clinic every weekend if I could."

He wasn't looking at her when he finished. Nothing out of all the terrible things he had seen in his eighteen years frightened him more than the girl lying in his bed.


	10. Chapter 10 The Future, Unknown

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long and that this chapter is so short, things have been crazy these past few weeks. Also, a huge thanks to everyone who has read this fic and reviewed. You are all greatly appreciated! :) Enjoy!**

He felt her hand on his face, gently turning his head in her direction. They looked at one another for a long moment before Lyra leaned in and touched her lips to his. It was a brief, gentle kiss that left him wanting more. Her hand remained on his face as she spoke.

"Will, you don't ever have to be afraid of telling me things."

He smiled shyly at her and nodded, taking her hand in his and playing with her fingers.

"So, what do we do now," he asked.

"I-I really don't know. But I'm scared."

"Me too. I don't… I can't lose you again, Lyra."

"Oh, Will! I couldn't stand it either, not again. But… Dame Hannah is probably wondering where I am. I've been gone since last night, and I know she must be worried. And Jessica and Tyler, they're my best friends." When Will didn't say anything, she continued, "I've got to go back tomorrow. I've got to explain. But I won't… I won't stay. I'll come back, once I've explained everything to them. Or maybe you could come to my Oxford for a bit. Maybe…" But she didn't know what to say. Today had seemed so wonderful, going out and spending her time with her beloved Will and Mary. Now, though, reality was crashing down on both of them.

He hugged her tighter before saying, "Well figure it out."

She simply nodded and nuzzled in closer to him. With her head on his chest, she could hear his heart beating: slow and rhythmic and powerful. Lyra soon found herself drifting off. Before she was completely gone, she felt Will's gentle touch on her arm.

"Lyra, love, I think it's time for bed."

She nodded sleepily and lifted her head from his chest with effort. He gave her a peck on the lips and lay down on his side. Lyra lay with her back to him; he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to him until her back was flush with his chest. Feeling safe and warm and utterly complete, they both drifted off into the most peaceful sleep they had gotten in years.


	11. Chapter 11 Morning

**A/N:**

**I'm sorry the chapters have been so short lately guys! My life is crazy lately but I promise I will have some longer chapters coming out soon! Have faith. :)**

**Enjoy!**

The sun's beams flowed through the curtain in Will's room, landing on the faces of two teenagers. Will was first to regain consciousness. He blinked his eyes open and yawned. And he would have stretched if not for the weight holding his left side down. Smiling, he turned to look at the girl asleep beside him. He had looked at nothing but her all day yesterday, but in the peace of the early morning, she was truly beautiful. For the first time in five years, Will allowed himself to think about their time together in the land of the Mulefa.

After closing the window all those years ago, Will had only allowed himself to think of his time with her once. It had nearly killed him. It had been exactly one week since he had had to say goodbye to her forever. Sitting on the bed that was now his in Mary's flat, he let his mind drift to that special time with her. Two hours later, Mary had entered the room to check on him only to find him curled into a ball on the bed. It had taken her two hours to bring him back to reality. After that, Will had promised himself that he would never, ever let himself think of their time again. Especially if he was going to build the Republic of Heaven here in his own world.

Now, though, letting himself think of the best time of his life with Lyra here in his arms, Will was in heaven. Lost in his reminiscences, he almost didn't realize Lyra was stirring. She opened her eyes, squinting into the light. She stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before realizing where she was. And at first, she couldn't believe she was awake. For there was a soft, warm body under her head and the sweet scent she knew so well was drifting into her nostrils. Upon opening her eyes, she was blinded by the sun's rays that were filtering in between the curtains. Once her eyes had adjusted, she turned her head to see Will's smiling face. A smile immediately illuminated her sleepy face.

"Good morning," Will said, stroking her face with his hand.

"Good morning," she replied, turning her face into his hand.

Neither of them could believe this was happening. But then Lyra's smile faded and a worried expression was painted on her face. Today, she would have to return to her own world. Today, she would have to risk never seeing him again to speak with Dame Hannah. She was terrified that once she was in her own world, the window might disappear and she'd be cut off from him forever. Again.

Noticing her worried look, Will pulled her into him, holding her tight. He didn't have to ask what had her worried; he knew what must happen today, and the risks that were involved. But what was happening was strange and –according to everything they had been told –wrong. So, Lyra must return to her own world to get answers, answers that were not available to them in Will's world.


	12. Chapter 12 Departure

So, after eating breakfast with Mary (who had to leave quickly to get to work on time), Will and Lyra were alone. Pan and Kirjava were having a hushed conversation in the living room –they had barely spent any time with Will and Lyra, instead going off on their own whenever they could. Will and Lyra sat at the kitchen table just looking at one another. It had been several minutes before either of them could talk.

"I wish I could go with you, that you didn't have to go alone," Will said, not looking up at the girl he loved.

"Will," she replied, waiting until he looked at her to continue, "I know you have responsibilities here. Your mother needs you and, as much as I would love for you to come with me, what if the window _does_ close once I get through? Then you would be stuck in my world forever, a forever that would only be ten short years. And you wouldn't ever see your dear mother or Mary again. No, it's best I go back alone."

He knew she was right, that they didn't know what this window was or how it would react. And that was the thought that had been buzzing around inside Will's head ever since Lyra arrived in his world. What if the window had already closed, when she went through it? What if she was stuck here and he had to watch as she wasted away over the years? He hadn't voiced this fear of his because he hadn't wanted to alarm Lyra, but it wouldn't leave him. They made their decision those five years ago to return to their own worlds because neither of them could stand the thought of watching the other slowly die. His opinion on the matter had not changed since that day. Will would give anything to be with Lyra, anything but her life. It would break him, it would tear him apart if, after sharing two short days with her, they were separated permanently again. But he could take it if he knew that she was alive and well, no matter what world she was in.

Nodding he said, "I guess I'm ready whenever you are."

Lyra smiled sadly and stood, holding out her hand for him to take. Pan and Kirjava were at their feet, staying close to one another. The mood was somber as the four of them walked out of Mary's flat, possibly for the last time together.

They did not rush their journey back to the mysterious window. Instead, just as when they returned from the grove in the land of the Mulefa, they held hands and walked close together, savoring every minute of their time together.

They stopped for a bite to eat and made it to the hill on which the window was last located by that afternoon. Doing their best to not attract attention to themselves, they slowly made their way over the fence and to the top of the hill. A million emotions were swirling through both, sorrow at having to be separated once more, disbelief that they had even been able to see each other in the first place, joy because at first they could not see the window, then fear that Lyra would be stuck in Will's world and suffer the consequences.

But their fear was quickly dispelled. All it took was a slight shift to their right and the window magically appeared. Will released Lyra's hand and stepped forward to examine the window. He remembered every moment of his time with Lyra and that included every detail about the knife and the windows it created. He looked through the window into Lyra's world. He saw that it was directly behind her dresser. She had been right in her description of its placement, and it was a miracle she even saw it in the first place. He slid his fingers along its edge; it was smooth and clean, but not made by the knife. How could it have been, he thought, since the knife was broken. But how else could it have gotten there? He turned back to Lyra.

"It wasn't made by the knife," he said, "but I guess that's obvious since the knife is broken."

Lyra sighed and couldn't help thinking that Will looked really cute when he was confused and, she could tell, slightly frustrated. This was a puzzle that neither of them could solve.

"Well, I've got to go back. Shall… shall we agree to meet here again a weeks time?" Her voice cracked on the last few words. A week seemed like eternity now they had seen each other again. But they had made it five years, they could manage a week, right?

"Yes, that sounds good. Find out everything you can," he agreed.

Lyra nodded and stepped toward the window. Just as she was about to step through, Will grabbed her by the waste and spun her to face him. His movements caught her off guard and she was even more surprised when his lips crashed into hers. Will had never kissed her like this, with this much energy and passion. It was the proper goodbye kiss they didn't get five years ago.

When they pulled away, both of their eyes were swimming with tears left unshed. They had both secretly promised themselves they would not cry, and they intended to keep that promise. So, Lyra slowly unwound herself from Will's arms and stepped toward the window once more. With one last look back, she scooped up Pan and stepped through the window.

"One week," she said, then turned and walked away.

She was almost immediately lost to him. He heard Lyra slide the dresser back in front of the window as soon as she was back in her room and the window was now just a dark patch of air. Will contemplated trying to close the window, but decided against it. If it wasn't going to close on its own, then he wouldn't ruin his own chances of seeing her again. He felt the window's edge once more, still puzzled over its creation, and began walking down the hill.

Lyra, once she had pushed the dresser back to its proper place, sat down on her bed. Pan jumped up into her lap and rubbed against her stomach comfortingly.

"Don't worry," he said, "we'll get this sorted out."

Lyra nodded, but wasn't as sure as Pan sounded. What if, when she returned to the window in a week, it wasn't there? Could she live having been given a taste of a life with Will only to have it taken away again? Couldn't the worlds just give them both a break instead of trying to break them further? She sighed and stood, dumping Pan onto the floor. He sighed and followed her out of their room and down to Dame Hannah's office. She was surprised no one had discovered the window. Then again, no on at St. Sophia's would know the first thing about windows into other worlds. They probably wouldn't have realized it was even there.


	13. Chapter 13 Seeing the Dame

Lyra knocked twice on Dame Hannah's office door, Pan held tight in her arms. She was nervous; what was Dame Hannah going to say about this?

"Come in," she heard from behind the door. Lyra turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open, stepped inside, and closed the door once again. Dame Hannah still hadn't looked up from some papers on her desk.

Clearing her throat, Lyra said, "It's me, Dame Hannah."

Dame Hannah's head shot up to see the person to whom the voice belonged. Lyra could see many emotions flit across the woman's face until she finally fixed her expression on relief and sighed.

"Come and sit down, Lyra."

Lyra obeyed, crossing the room to the desk in a few brisk steps and sitting gingerly down in the straight-backed chair in front of the Dame's desk.

"Dame Hannah, I-"

"Tell me where you've been, girl. We've searched the whole place for you! I even contacted the authorities, not that they've done much. You had us all worried sick!"

Her voice was not unkind, but Lyra could sense that unless her explanation was very good she was going to be in a lot of trouble. Inhaling a deep breath, Lyra began her tale.

Some twenty minutes later, Dame Hannah leaned back in her chair and let out a long sigh.

"You sure do know how to get yourself into some interesting situations, girl," she said, shaking her head slightly.

"Yes, ma'am, I do."

"I shall call Serafina Pekkala. When you first came here, she told me to call upon her if we encountered any problems. For now, go to the Dining Hall and get yourself something to eat. I will call you when I have news," the woman said, motioning towards the door.

Lyra nodded and left. She encountered many strange stares as she made her way to the Dining Hall but ignored them. After all, this wasn't the first time Lyra had been given strange stares before in her life. After returning from her adventures five years ago, many were reluctant to believe the stories she told and some flat out refused to accept any of it. Once the truth got around, it seemed people couldn't stop looking at her. So, Lyra did as she did before and ignored their questioning and often suspicious gazes. She made her way to the Dining Hall in a zombie-like state; she could barely remember her journey there once she had arrived.

Walking through the large doors, she immediately spotted Hattie Garrot, the closest thing she had to a best friend. The girl's chameleon dæmon was perched on her shoulder, its eyes moving about separately. Hattie didn't see her, but the girl sitting across from her must have because she motioned towards the door. Hattie turned her head to look and immediately a smile broke out on her face. But just as quickly as it had come, it was gone, replaced instead by a disapproving look that Lyra knew to be concern. Sighing, Lyra walked towards the table.

"Lyra Silvertongue, where have you been?" the girl demanded once Lyra was sitting. Her hands were on her hips and her brow was furrowed, indicating she meant business. Her dæmon, Milnton, turned a very dark shade of green, and the eye Lyra could see was looking at her unwaveringly.

"It's a long story, Hattie. Can we discuss this later… more privately?" Lyra replied, glancing at the girl sitting across from them. The glance did not go unnoticed, but Lyra did not care. The girl sitting across from them was Undine Fitzwit, and her attitude was worse than her name. She had a squat, square face that sat atop her equally squat body. She never seemed to be able to reach the back of her head to brush out her dusty brown hair –as the back of her head was perpetually reminiscent of a rats nest –or to fully zip her skirts, as they were always undone by about an inch. But, Lyra thought on many occasions, perhaps they just didn't fit, as the girl was rather large. Her dæmon was a pudgy bulldog named Wimpleton, saliva constantly dripping from its jowls.

"Oh, all right. But you must promise to tell me everything." And with that, Hattie turned back to the conversation she was having with Undine. Lyra, not hearing or caring what the two were discussing, looked down at all the food on the table. She was much too nervous to find out what would happen with the window and Will to eat. So she sat quietly, pretending to be interested in what the two girls were talking about.


	14. Chapter 14 Explanations to Hattie

11/19/09

"Wait, so there's a window behind your dresser? Show me!"

Hattie was ever the excitable one. Her emotions knew no bounds, and she was not one to hide them even if they had. She had immediately taken a liking to Lyra –though it seemed she was friendly to just about anyone –and Lyra liked her as well, though mostly because Hattie did not stare at her or relentlessly ask her questions. Instead, Hattie had offered her friendship to the lonely girl and let Lyra tell her story in her own time. Now, Lyra trusted Hattie as much as Dame Hannah and almost as much as Serafina Pekkala.

"All right, but then you must let me finish my story," Lyra replied and the girl nodded. They stood up, and Lyra took her to her dresser. She pulled it away from the wall, nervous that the window might not be there still. But it was, a piece of mismatched world hanging in the air.

"Wow," was all Hattie said. She had never seen a window, Lyra knew, so it must be strange for her. Wanting to finish her story, Lyra nodded and pushed her dresser back against the wall. Hattie followed her to her bed, and they both sat down again. Lyra leaned back against her headboard and tried to think of how to tell Hattie what had happened. It was all so much to take in, and Lyra had been shocked by the fact that she had actually seen, held Will again.

"So as I was saying… I went through the window and ended up in Will's world, on top of a hill. I knew it was his world because of the cars –they go so fast in his world –and everything. But I didn't know where he would be or anything so…" As Lyra continued to tell her story, Pan settled in her lap and purred gently. He still hadn't told Lyra what had happened between Kirjava and him during the time they were separated, but that time was coming soon. And that put him at ease. He did not like keeping secrets from Lyra.

Fourty-five minutes later, when Lyra had finally finished her story –with many interruptions from Hattie –the two girls sat in silence on Lyra's bed. Hattie was too stunned by it all to say anything. She had nearly died from sorrow for her friend when Lyra had finally told her everything she had been through. Now, though, Lyra had seen her beloved Will again and the future was unknown. Lyra's life was like a book to Hattie, only something most people only ever read about.

Lyra was musing over her time with Will, though it was short, and what the future would bring. She didn't know what she was going to do if she were told the window must be closed and that she could never see Will again, again. She knew she had to be strong and build the Republic of Heaven, but how was she supposed to do all that if the world relentlessly tried to tear her apart? She had already been though so much, didn't she deserve a little peace, to just live a normal life? Apparently not, she thought sadly.

"Well," said Hattie, breaking Lyra out of her reverie, "I guess all you can do now is wait to hear from Dame Hannah. Man, you sure know how to get yourself into some interesting situations. Are you excited?"

Lyra looked over at her friend, confused by what she meant. She studied the girl in her room, her best friend besides Pan. Hatties large green eyes looked back at her expectantly, and her dæmon was still perched on her shoulder, as he always was.

"Uh –yeah, I guess. I mean, I'm more nervous than anything you know? Like what if they say the window has to be closed, that I can never see Will again? Hattie, I –I don't know if I could do that again." Her eyes were starting to burn and her voice cracked slightly. But she steadied herself; she was a warrior, after all, and crying was not something she wanted to let others see her doing. She swallowed hard to rid herself of the burning behind her eyes and the lump in her throat.

"Everything will work out. You deserve it more than anyone, after all," Hattie said, smiling gently. She reached out and put her hand over Lyra's in a comforting gesture. Lyra smiled in return. "So, I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow. Try to not worry about it too much, okay?"

Lyra nodded as Hattie got up to leave. They said good night, and Lyra was once again alone. Well, not completely alone, she always had Pan.


	15. Chapter 15 Serafina and a Surprise

**Everyone, I most sincerely apologize for the length with which it has taken me to post this chapter. I have no excuses to offer, and I shall not blame you for being upset with me. I hope that, having written this chapter, I get back into my habit of writing and posting regularly. So, to all my loyal readers and everyone who has posted comments/reviews: Thank you and I hope you appreciate this chapter. More is to come. Enjoy. :) **

Lyra woke the next morning with Pan wound around her neck. The sun filtered through the window of her room, highlighting the dust motes in the air. She blinked and let her eyes focus, then sighed. It had been one day since she had seen Will, and she already missed him. It was unbelievable how it was like those five years never even happened, how it felt like she'd never been away from him in the first place. And she did not like being away from him again now. When she had been reunited with him, it was almost like they had never been apart; just a few years older but no less in love.

But it was out of her hands now; she would just have to wait until Dame Hannah gave her instructions. Attempting to not linger on things that were out of her control, Lyra got out of bed and dressed. She brushed out her hair, tied it back, and sighing as she assessed her appearance, went down to breakfast.

Dame Hannah had been quite surprised when she was greeted on the way to her office by a maid with a letter from Serafina; it had, after all, been only yesterday that she had sent the letter describing Lyra's adventure to her. Quickly opening the letter as soon as she was seated, she read it quickly. It was very short. Serafina expressed concern over the news and reported that she would arrive tomorrow afternoon. Dame Hannah sighed with relief. She'd done nothing but worry herself over the situation since the previous day and wouldn't have known what to do if the delay had been much longer. The Dame had grown quite fond of Lyra and saw her somewhat as the daughter she never had. She was fully aware of the trials the girl had faced at such a young age, and had made it her mission to ensure Lyra had as normal a life as was possible at St. Sophia's.

Lyra left breakfast with Hattie and another one of their friends, Sylvie. Lyra could tell Hattie was annoyed that Sylvie was tagging along because she wanted to talk to Lyra more about Will and her adventure. Lyra, however, was quite glad for Sylvie's presence; Hattie would never bring the subject up with her there, and Lyra was in no mood to discuss it.

Being a beautiful Sunday morning, they decided to walk about the gardens of the campus until they reached the small pond and bench. They sat down and discussed what they all would do after finishing at St. Sophia's. Lyra had spent many, many lonely nights thinking about what she would do with her life. She had never felt a real passion for anything before the Gobblers, and now that that whole ordeal was well in the past, she had not idea what to do with her life. Xaphania had told her that she must build the Republic of Heaven in her world… What did that mean, anyway? But since most people were not privy to what had happened to her those five years ago, she had to come up with something to tell the curious girls at school. So, she had invented that she had always wanted to be a great journalist. If you had asked her six or seven years earlier, she would've proudly professed that her life's dream was to be a great explorer like her Uncle Asrial. But her thirst for adventure had been more than quenched, and now she wished for nothing more than a normal life.

Hattie had changed her mind about what she wanted to do every few weeks since Lyra had met her. Now she wanted to be a writer, now a doctor, now a teacher. This week Hattie was professing her lifelong dream to become a world renown chef in Paris. Lyra and Sylvie just laughed at their friend. But each new profession Hattie decided upon she talked about with so much fervor, so much conviction that Lyra was almost convinced she would stick to her decision. That, however, was never the case.

Sylvie, who was much more quiet and reserved than both Hattie and Lyra, modestly admitted that she wanted to become the dame of her own school. She very much looked up to Dame Hannah and said she wished she could be half as good at running her own school as the Dame. From the pond the girls heard the bell ring for lunch and walked back to the Dining Hall. The rest of the day passed in a blur. Luckily, Lyra was able to avoid the topic of her adventure during her conversations with Hattie and before any of them knew it, it was Monday morning once again.

Lyra, who usually found it relatively easy to focus on school and her life in her world, was impossibly focused on Will and it took her much longer than usual to get ready. She practically had to run down the stairs to make it to class on time, all the while thinking how long the next five days until she could see Will, if she was allowed to see him again, were going to be. The thought of not seeing him again frightened her greatly, but she tried to not think about that while no decision was made yet. For the first time since she had began classes at St. Sophia's, Lyra did not retain a thing from her lessons that day. Her distraction must've been quite obvious to those around her because on more than one occasion her teachers approached her to ask if she was all right. No one but Lyra, Hattie, and Dame Hannah knew about her adventure the previous week and the other teachers appeared to be worried about the girl. She just smiled politely and replied that she was fine. No one pressed the issue.

When lunch arrived, Lyra was surprised when Dame Hannah asked to speak with her during her afternoon classes. Confused about being asked to miss classes, which seemed very out of character for the Dame, Lyra walked in a daze to her office when she had finished eating.

She politely knocked and, upon hearing the Dame call her in, opened the door. At first, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. It wasn't until Lyra was fully in the room with the door shut behind her that she saw Serafina. Surprise was clearly written on her face as she ran to the witch and hugged her tightly.

"Serafina!" she cried joyously. The extremely pale and graceful woman embraced her gladly and kissed the top of her head.

"Hello, my dear," Serafina said, laughing at the girl's enthusiasm. Lyra finally pulled away only to receive her second shock of the day. Standing in the corner of the room, barely visible in the bright midday light, was the angel Xaphania.


	16. Chapter 16 Unknown

Lyra who, for a short time on the bank of the river in the land of the Mulefa, had harbored an intense aversion towards the angel now welcomed her cautiously. She had very quickly understood that it was not the fault of the angel those five years ago that she and Will had to be forever separated. That did not mean, however, that she trusted Xaphania to not deliver equally distressing news on this occasion. Lyra was also distressed by the angel's very presence. If she remembered correctly, Xaphania was an important angel. And Lyra couldn't imagine that she would've travelled all the way to St. Sophia's if this wasn't a serious matter.

"Hello again, Lyra," the angel said, bowing ever so slightly. Lyra returned her half-bow and then gave her attention to Dame Hannah.

"Sit down, Lyra. We all have much to discuss," the Dame said as she motioned towards the grouping of chairs in front of her desk. Lyra nodded and took the chair closest to her; Serafina took the other, while the angel remained standing in the corner behind the Dame. "As you know, I wrote immediately to Serafina upon hearing of your adventure this past week. She was most prompt in her reply, and she and Xaphania arrived this morning to discuss the matter. While I told them everything you relayed to me, I just want to make sure we have all of the facts before we look at our options," Dame Hannah said as a way of opening the conversation.

"Wisely spoken, Dame," said Serafina, inclining her head towards her. "The account that Dame Hannah related to me in her letter was most distressing, Lyra, and I would like to make sure nothing has been left out or misrepresented. So, if you would please describe what took place once more for us…"

Lyra nodded and began her tale. She spoke of when she first saw the window behind her dresser Thursday night and her journey into Will's world. She told the three about finding where Mary, and therefore Will, lived and walking all morning to get there. She told all the pertinent information from the time spend with Mary and Will, and of their decision that she should return to her world and their plans to meet again at the window, granted it was still there, in one week's time.

Both the Dame and Serafina agreed that they had been very sensible in their plans; the angel remained quiet and, as far as anyone could tell, unmoving. When they were sure Lyra had divulged every detail of importance, the Dame and Serafina began discussing different possibilities and solutions. Lyra wasn't paying much attention; having just retold her entire encounter with Will, she was unable to prevent herself from daydreaming about their time together. It was the angel Xaphania's voice that roused her from her dozy state.

"Is the window still there?"

Both Serafina and the Dame stopped talking, mid-sentence, at the question. They looked at Xaphania and then to Lyra once they had processed the meaning of the interruption. Lyra was a little caught off guard by the abruptness with which all attention had been directed towards her and answered a little sheepishly that she had not had the courage to look since her return. The Dame nodded sympathetically, Serafina seemed a little confused, and Xaphania demanded to be taken to Lyra's room immediately. Lyra thought she seemed annoyed so did not delay.

Once they were in her room, Lyra took a deep breath before pushing the dresser away from the wall. Whereas before they would've been able to simply see the window behind the wardrobe, Lyra had pushed it so close to the wall upon her return that a hair could barely fit between it and the wall. She tried to not let her relief show when the dresser was moved and the window still hung in the air. Xaphania quickly moved to the window and examined it closely.

"Our fears are without grounds, Serafina. The knife did not make this hole; no Spectres were released. I do not know how this hole was made but it appears that Dust is coming _from_ it," the angel said after some minutes.

"No," Lyra said, "No, Will broke the knife just like you told him to do." She was glad, though, to have her fears about Spectres and Dust associated with windows created by the Subtle Knife quieted.

"What other explanation can there be, then?" Serafina asked, stepping up to inspect the window herself. Dame Hannah simply stood in the middle of the room, peering around whoever was at the window to get a better look. She had never seen such a thing and wasn't sure how close to it she wanted to get. Lyra stood beside her, having seen too many windows in her short life and having been through this one already made her quite disinterested in further inspection. Pan had been cradled in Lyra's arms since they got up to go to her room. It was the angel Xaphania those five years ago who had spoken with Kirjava and him, who had told them not to tell what they knew until the time was right. Now, as the mysterious window was being inspected, Pan couldn't help but wonder if the time was right.

They all looked to the angel for an answer to Serafina's question. She brought her hand to touch her chin in speculation, a very human gesture.

"I am not certain of anything about this window, but it appears that you've changed your destiny, Lyra."


	17. Chapter 17 Will's Worries

11/19/09

Will had all but been in a stupor since Lyra had left two days previous. Mary had talked to him endlessly after he returned from sending Lyra through the window and back to her own world; he barely heard a word of it. The two days he'd spent with Lyra were the happiest two days he'd passed in five years. He'd tried to move on, to live a normal life in his own world. He went to school and there were even a few girls who had been interested in him when he first started. But his withdrawn nature and unwillingness to open up quickly made people more apt to avoid him. That, however, suited him just fine because as much as he told himself that he was trying to move on, to live his life, to build the Republic of Heaven, he knew he would never move on. He knew that if it had been left to him, he would've never let Lyra return to her world without him. He saw the realization in her eyes when the angel Xaphania had explained the circumstances on that little beach. He knew before she'd ever said a word what her decision would be, and he knew he would go along with it because he couldn't deny her anything. And he would not let everyone know that he wasn't as strong as her by objecting to her decision.

"Will, are you even listening to me?" Mary's question brought him out of his reverie. No, he had not been listening at all.

"Uh –yeah. What?"

Mary just smiled, he looked just as he had those five years ago when he and Lyra had returned from their day in the little clearing in the land of the Mulefa. He looked like a boy in love.

"I was asking what the plan is. I mean, I know there's no way she'd go back into her world without some kind of plan and you haven't told me anything about one," she said, raising her eyebrows at the boy, _young_ _man_, that she'd come to know so well.

"Oh, yeah. We're going to meet back at the window in one week, so five days from now, provided that the window is still there," Will replied, sighing. Mary nodded and he slouched down in his chair at the kitchen table.

"Mary, I just can't figure it out. Where did that window come from? I broke the knife that day, and I still have the pieces so I know no one's put it back together. And I know Lyra would've noticed it before if it's a window that the angels missed and has been there this whole time."

He hadn't planned to bring it up; he hadn't wanted to. He trusted Mary, he was just afraid to think about what might come from this new window and his brief reunion with Lyra.

"I've been thinking about that, too. I really don't know, Will. Maybe Lyra can find the answers in her world. Science has come a long way here, but we don't have anything like witches and angels. Just don't drive yourself crazy thinking about it. You've still got responsibilities here, like taking your mother to her appointment in twenty minutes," she said, looking at her watch and standing to take their cups to the sink.

Will stood and walked up the stairs to his mother's room. He hadn't told his mother about his adventures in another universe. Instead, he'd told her upon his return that he had met Mary at the library while searching for information on his father. He had then spent the following weeks following leads that he and Mary had found, one of which took them to the village in which John Parry had last been seen. He wasn't able to write or call because of the remoteness of the village. They'd searched high and low for his father, wandering around in the frozen vastness for months. They had finally stumbled upon an almost entirely snow-covered grave marker that read his father's name. This had upset his mother, but put her mind to ease as well. She graciously accepted the offer to live with Mary and things had really seemed like they were getting better for a while.

But then she started having frights again, periods in which she couldn't care for herself, where she was very afraid. Mary had taken her to a doctor she knew who diagnosed her with schizophrenia. Ever since then, Mary and Will had been taking her to the center down the street. Most people lived there full-time. But Will couldn't stand seeing his other there everyday and Mary couldn't afford it, so she only went on the weekends to give them a break. It was on one of these such weekends that Lyra had appeared in their world. For this, Will was thankful. How would he explain who Lyra was without telling his mother the whole story? What would Lyra think of his mother if she'd had one of her attacks?

But everything had worked itself out so perfectly. Will couldn't help but wonder if fate wasn't involved in some way. Why that particular weekend, after five years? How was the window magically in the room of one of the only people in Lyra's world who could spot them? But then came the big question that he'd been trying desperately to avoid: would he see her again?

Sighing, Will got up and made his way up the stairs to his mother's room. It was time for her monthly check-up, so he would have to put thoughts of Lyra aside for the time being.


	18. Chapter 18 A Change of Destiny

**A/N: I would like to thank everyone who has stuck with this story thus far, and especially all those who have reviewed. As I am sure you can tell... this story will see its conclusion within the next few chapters. I hope it won't take me too long to get them out, but bear with me. Thanks for all the support and happy reading! :)**

Lyra was struck by the angel's words. Changed her destiny? But how? Why? Why _now?_ She looked around at the women looking back at her, completely dumbfounded.

"You're not serious, are you?" It was the first thing she'd thought, so it was the first thing she'd said.

"I can think of no other explanation. I see you have not spoken to her," the angel said, turning her attention to Pan. The dæmon shook his head in Lyra's arms, ignoring his human's questioning glare.

"Spoken to me about what?" Lyra asked, a bit too loudly. She was getting a little irritated. Had Pan known this might happen the whole time?

"Nothing is set in stone, my dear one. The universes are constantly subject to change, to alteration. If this is what I believe it to be, then your destiny has changed," replied the angel patiently.

"But how does destiny _change_? I thought it was out of our control." Lyra had a million questions buzzing around inside her head. What would this mean for her future, for her and Will? How had this even happened? What was she going to do now? She sat on the edge of her bed, feeling too dizzy to remain standing. Pan leapt from her lap and settled himself amongst her pillows; he would get his turn to talk with her later, he knew. Serafina drifted to the solitary window, looking off into the distance; Pan thought he saw a speck in the sky that was probably Serafina's dæmon. Dame Hannah still stood in the middle of the room, seemingly fixed to the spot. She was looking at the angel but also looking away; is it a strange sensation, beholding an angel. It seems wrong to look directly at them, yet looking away doesn't seem quite right either.

"Destinies do not easily change," Xaphania said. "They are changed as easily and as often as the flow of a river. But alas, the direction of a river can change. Now, it is not within our control, necessarily. Our lives and our destinies are conglomerations of our decisions, but our decisions are likewise guided by our destinies. This creates a chain that makes the alteration of destinies extremely unlikely. However, every once in a while, that one special person comes along who defeats all odds, who seems to do all the things to invite such a change. You are one of those people, Lyra. This change is the result of all your actions up until this point. It is the one stone that turned the river away.

"Your dæmon can further explain later. Just know that this window does not interfere with any of the elements that made it necessary for the other windows to be closed. It was not created by the Subtle Knife; it is the direct result of the changing of two destinies and the evolution of the universes. Just remember to keep your head about you as you always have." The angel turned to Dame Hannah and said, "If you would escort me out, Dame, I would be greatly obliged."

The dame jerked back to life upon realizing she was being spoken to. She nodded quickly and led Xaphania out of Lyra's room. Lyra sat still on her bed, still absorbing all the information she had just been given.

"What do you intend?" asked Serafina, startling Lyra; she had forgotten the witch was in the room at all.

"Excuse me?"

"The window, what do you intend to do with the window?" She walked to the bed and sat next to Lyra, looking at her intently.

"I -I don't know. I've only just learned about it. I do know that I've got to meet Will at the top of the hill on the other side of the window on Sunday; it seems so far away," Lyra sighed, wondering if she would be able to pay attention in her classes for the rest of the week.

"That will be good for you to think about what will come next in your life. This window is not something anyone expected, but it has changed everything drastically. You've been through so much to still be so young, but I know you will make good decisions. I must get back to my clan now, but take this," she said, handing her a white flower identical to the one she'd given Lee Scoresby so long ago, "and call me if every you need help, wherever you are. And remember, Lyra, the Republic of Heaven must still be built."

They embraced shortly and Serafina walked gracefully out of the room. Lyra stared at the door long after the witch had gone, twirling the small white flower between her fingers absently. So much had been thrown at her so quickly. It was almost too much to process. She thought back to her adventures five years ago; this seemed like nothing compared everything that'd happened back then. And yet this was still, somehow, harder to process. Perhaps, she thought, it was easier then because she hadn't thought about decisions before she made them. Because back then, she was an eleven year-old girl who just wanted to stay alive and make things right. Because she didn't think about how what was happening would affect the rest of her life. But things were different now. She had to think about the rest of her life, maybe because she was older but probably because of all she'd been though, what she'd come to know. Everything is connected; she realized that now. But how would this window change her life? The lives of everyone around her?

She sighed and pan crawled into her lap again, nuzzling her hand with his nose. He could tell she was struggling, and he knew it was time talked. He never knew what the sign to let him know it was time would be, but he was sure this was it. This would change everything, and Lyra needed to know what he'd kept from her for five long years.


	19. Chapter 19 Knowing

**A/N: No apology will ever be enough for my prolonged absence. I have no excuses. I simply this chapter in hopes that you have not given up on me, because I have not given up on this story. **

Lyra sat back, dumbfounded. She'd never dreamed Pan and Kirjava had been though so much while they were away from her and Will. They'd travelled through too many universes to count and met so many extraordinary people! Angels and people, spirits and animals alike. They had gained so much knowledge in such a short time. But the best knowledge they'd received had been from Althelm, a sibling of sorts to Xaphania. He was much older than Xaphania, a fact at which Lyra marveled, and knew more of all of the worlds than she.

He told Pan and Kirjava a great tale of two lovers, destined to sacrifice themselves and their love for the world. But for so long, it had been only that… a tale. A story of hope and peace and love. But with each passing century, the angels and witches and other powerful beings became more and more sure of this tale's certainty, of its reality. Until one day, a little girl was born to terrible circumstances. This day, there was a shift in the air, in the energy, in all the universes felt only by those magical beings. And then, they knew. It was a tale no longer but the sad destiny of one unfortunate girl and one unfortunate boy. They would be the saviors of them all, but at a price too great to even consider.

So, the angels watched the boy and the girl and longed for their absolution, for their escape from a great but terrible fate. And only a few select beings knew of the changes that were possible… if only everything happened exactly as it wasn't supposed to. If only each indiscernibly small decision made by an incorrigibly stubborn girl and a fastidiously strong willed boy was not what destiny had planned. If only everything happened exactly the way it did.

And so Lyra and Will had changed the direction of their rivers with not a single rock but hundreds of thousands of tiny grains of sand. All of this was too much still for Lyra to process. Her mind reeled as Pan sat, staring at her with concern. Had he waited too long to tell her? Had he told her too soon? Althelm had said they would know when the time was right, but had he gotten it wrong? Did Kirjava, in her own universe with Will, still hold their secret dear? Or had she, like him, thought this to be the sign to reveal all? Oh, everything was so complicated!

"So you're saying," Lyra finally said, her eyes focusing again on her dæmon, "that Will and I did everything wrong… the exact right way?"

"Yes," he answered, his ermine lips lifted into a smile.

"But I don't feel as though I've done anything since Will and I were separated. I've just been at school, that's all." None of it made sense. She hadn't built the Republic of Heaven… she hadn't even begun. She'd done nothing other than live her life and put what she was sure others would consider too much energy into relearning to read the Alethiometer.

"Don't you see, Lyra? You have done so much! You've saved civilizations; you've created peace in this universe and so many others. You've spread the knowledge of the way we should all live and think in the Republic of Heaven. Everyone you've ever met as been influenced by your, and your ideas are spreading. But it can't be done without him; not because you aren't strong, but because it just wasn't meant to be. You are each great alone, but the Republic will not be built by a single hand. Everything you've done has set up the start of the Republic, but it's still missing something. And the universe has finally realized that your love is all it needs to continue. But your love lies with him, and so it is with him that you must be to truly begin," Pan explained, pacing the length of the bed all the while.

Lyra simply sat and stared at him, unsure that she wasn't dreaming. The universe was allowing her to be with Will? It was ok? She didn't have to spend the rest of her life as she had the past five years, trying desperately to move on yet remaining solidly in the same place dreading the next thing that would remind her of him? Sure, there were days when she was able to accept that she would think about him and that there would be things that reminded her of him but that she would never see him again. There were days when she honestly didn't think of him at all. But most of her days were not filled with so much peace and acceptance.

"Well, what should we do now?" she finally asked Pan, trying her hardest not to leap from the bed and dance around the room singing.

"What do you think we should do?" he asked in return, tilting his head to the side to wait for her answer.

"I think," she replied slowly, weighing all of her hundreds of options, "that we should go down to dinner. People are sure to be wondering by now. We should continue this week as though it were a normal week and wait to talk to Will and Kirjava before making any big decisions."

"That is a very wise decision," Pan said, impressed by her maturity. _No matter how long coming it's been_, he thought.

Together they left her room and made their way to the dining hall. She took her customary seat next to Hattie, whose eyes were screaming with curiosity at Lyra. Lyra nodded once, letting her know that she would explain later. Dinner was a quiet affair, and not even Undine pestered Lyra today. Once they had finished eating, Hattie all but dragged Lyra up to her room.

"Oh, I just know something good happened! I can see it in your face! Tell me, then!"

"All right, all right," Lyra said, settling herself down on the edge of Hattie's bed. "When I went to see Dame Hannah, the angel Xaphania I've told you about before was there with Serafina Pekkela. They've come up with an explanation about the window you aren't going to believe!"

And so Lyra told Hattie everything she could about her meeting with the angel and the witch and what Pan had told her afterwards.

"Wow, you did all of that?" Hattie asked Pan when Lyra was finished. The dæmon simply nodded at the girl before setting his head back in Lyra's lap.

"Oh, Lyra! I'm so glad. I just knew everything would turn out well! But," she said, calming down, "what are you going to do now?"

"I'm not entirely sure. First, I'm going to talk to Will. That's what's most important right now, I think. I've made enough stupid decisions in the past for both of us, and it's time I talked to him first."

Hattie nodded sagely and waved as Lyra left her room to return to her own. As Lyra lay in bed that night, her mind drifted through all of the possible scenarios for her future. Both she and Will knew that they couldn't live exclusively in on place or the other. But how do you build a life, a Republic, if you are constantly moving about? How would you raise children in such an environment? The thought had formed without Lyra's consent, and she blushed at the thought of having children with Will. Of course she wanted it, but she'd never allowed herself to even think about it until now; it had never been a possibility before. She drifted off to sleep with images of herself and Will, several years older, in a house in Oxford –which Oxford she could not tell –with a dark-haired girl and a little blond boy running around shouting about witches and angels.


	20. Chapter 20 The Long Road Back to You

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through this story. I know it's been a long road, and I appreciate your patience and loyalty. Here is another chapter, one of the final few. Keep an eye out for a couple more chapters and an epilogue... and then this story will, sadly, be over. But I suppose that's not really true. Stories are never really over, are they? Oh, also, if anyone out there has a Pottermore... go Ravenclaw! :) **

The next week passed more slowly than any other in her life, at least it seemed that way. She went to classes, did her homework, studied the alethiometer, and practiced piano like any other week. The difference was, however, that at the end of this week she would see Will again. Her teachers and Hattie could tell that Lyra was trying her best to pay attention but was failing miserably. Even Tyler, Lyra and Hattie's friend from St. John's who met them at the park each week, noticed a change in her. Knowing of her past –Hattie much more than Tyler, though –they didn't pry. It was clear this was something she needed to figure out on her own.

In his own universe, Will was facing similar problems after receiving the shock of his life. On Tuesday morning, just as Will was about to eat breakfast before heading to his job at Mary's office, there was a knock on the door. A bit perplexed, he padded to the door and opened it to reveal none other than Serafina Pekkela. Too shocked even to speak, he just stood in the doorway, his hand still on the knob.

"May I come in?" she asked politely when she realized he was too shocked to invite her in.

"Oh! Yeah. Yes, of course," he said, jumping to attention and moving to let her enter the apartment. She nodded her thanks and entered. When Will closed the door and turned, he nearly shouted. There, standing (floating?) in the middle of the living room was Xaphania, the angel who delivered a devastating blow five years ago.

"What's going on?" he asked, automatically tensing for bad news. If they were here, then something had to be wrong.

"Calm yourself, young man," Xaphania said, making some motion with her arms that Will didn't quite catch. "We are not here to deliver bad news. We spoke with Lyra yesterday, and are here to explain the same things to you."

Ever since his discussion with Serafina and Xaphania and Kirjava afterwards, Will had been in a daze. He'd gotten up, checked on his mother, gotten ready, and gone to work each morning. At lunch, he'd returned to check on his mother again, ate lunch, and returned to work for another few hours. Mary had noticed that, while he seemed a bit more zoned out than usual, Will had a spring in his step that she'd never seen before. Even his mother had commented that he seemed happier, "freer" she had said.

Finally, Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny, in Will's world, at least. Lyra, on the other hand, woke to a torrent of chilly rain and thunder. It didn't phase her much, though. No, today she would see Will again, and they would talk about their future, a future that was now possible unlike ever before. She threw on a dress, brushed her hair, and she and Pan nearly ran down to Dame Hannah's quarters. She nearly shouted a hasty 'goodbye' –they'd already discussed her return to Will's world – and returned to her room. She shoved the dresser out of the way and let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding when she saw the window still floating there. Though she'd checked every night and every morning to ensure it still existed, she was still terrified that it would simply disappear one day. She stepped through the window, Pan faithfully on her shoulders.

Once on the other side, she immediately saw Will and Kirjava sitting a few feet from the window, off to the side so passersby who noticed him wouldn't notice the window as well. When he saw her appear, he nearly jumped to his feet. She ran the few steps and catapulted herself into his waiting arms. It was bliss, of that they were both sure. Being in each other's arms was perfect and warm and comforting and _home_. He buried his face in her hair and inhaled her scent, something that had always been uniquely _her_. When they were younger and running for their lives and, essentially, the lives of all beings in all of the universes, she had smelled much more earthy; this was no doubt of their lack of bathing opportunities. Though she now retained some of her earthy smell, it was much more subdued, overpowered almost by what Will identified as oranges and cream.

They pulled away from one another, and Will took her hand.

"Come on," he said, tugging gently. "Mary is waiting for us at a café just over there. Have you had breakfast yet?"

"No," she replied, smiling. "I came here as soon as I got up. I want to test something about the window before we leave it, though."

She pulled his hand from his hesitantly and walked back to the window. She stuck one finger through and felt for the edge. She found it much more slowly than Will would have, but she did find it nonetheless. She gently pushed on the edge; it had an elastic feel to it, very unlike the harsh edges cut by the knife.

"What are you doing?" Will asked, looking at her actions over her shoulder. She felt his cool breath on her neck and shivered. But this was not the time to get lost in him again. Now, they needed to be serious.

"I was wondering the other day if we could move the window. This is convenient for me, but not so much for you," she replied, taking a deep breath to steady herself. "Feel the edge; it's not like the ones created by the knife. It's got a lot more give."

Will did as told, poking and prodding at the edge until he was satisfied.

"You're right. I've got an idea," he said pensively. "Put your fingers here, too. Let's try together." He took her hand and placed her fingers by his. With a look at one another, they pushed gently on the edge of the window and felt it shiver before slowly inching to the right. Lyra yanked her hand away in surprise, a gasp escaping her petite lips. She and Will looked at each other wide-eyed. Then, Will's face was nearly split in half by a grin.

"It moves!" they both stated, voices filled with awe. What was this new window? Could it really be the answer to all of their problems. He grabbed her hand again and they quickly made their way to the café where Mary was waiting.


End file.
